Tarzan's gay, too.
So KC and I had a shared existential crisis (her phrase, not mine)—and dinner—at a nice little Lebanese café after class today. Winter has set in, along with the end-of-semester gloom: laundry that won’t dry, papers that won’t write themselves, a poorly stocked library that won’t have the decency to stay open beyond five… it’s an endless list.
So we sat there and bitched and whined, and sipped the (free) tap water we were drinking because we were too broke for anything alcoholic. We compared notes on our roommates: whiney self-righteous hippie dude (mine) versus uptight self-righteous conservative Christian chick (hers). We agonized over what we were doing with our lives (Answer: Nothing). We wrestled with that tricky issue of who/what we want to be when we grow up (cool sexy bartender and manga translation typesetter, respectively). And having driven ourselves into a thorough little funk, we went our separate ways.
Before which KC got her roommate a cookie from the corner bakery, and I got my roommate a big bag of nothing.
So I came home and read Jungle King. Jungle King is a short yaoi manga by Sakurai Shushushu set in the ‘jungles of South Africa’ (quoi?), about a rescue worker (hah?) who falls in love with a jungle dude who swings from trees, loves animals, hates humans, and has but a rudimentary grasp of human language (i.e. Japanese). In short, it’s Tarzan of the Apes, except:
1. Tarzan is a Japanese dude,
2. Jane is a Japanese dude, and
3. Instead of apes, there’s ...smex.
So we sat there and bitched and whined, and sipped the (free) tap water we were drinking because we were too broke for anything alcoholic. We compared notes on our roommates: whiney self-righteous hippie dude (mine) versus uptight self-righteous conservative Christian chick (hers). We agonized over what we were doing with our lives (Answer: Nothing). We wrestled with that tricky issue of who/what we want to be when we grow up (cool sexy bartender and manga translation typesetter, respectively). And having driven ourselves into a thorough little funk, we went our separate ways.
Before which KC got her roommate a cookie from the corner bakery, and I got my roommate a big bag of nothing.
So I came home and read Jungle King. Jungle King is a short yaoi manga by Sakurai Shushushu set in the ‘jungles of South Africa’ (quoi?), about a rescue worker (hah?) who falls in love with a jungle dude who swings from trees, loves animals, hates humans, and has but a rudimentary grasp of human language (i.e. Japanese). In short, it’s Tarzan of the Apes, except:
1. Tarzan is a Japanese dude,
2. Jane is a Japanese dude, and
3. Instead of apes, there’s ...smex.
SPOILERS AHEAD. Consider yourself warned.
The story starts with Hyper Rescue (I kid you not) team member Akira deciding to venture bravely into the aforementioned jungle to find his beloved senpai, Ryouichi, who had gone missing while on a solo mission. Akira enters jungle, promptly loses his way, gets kidnapped by bad guys who want to have their way with him, and is rescued in the nick of time by Loincloth Jungle Man. Akira can't believe his eyes: It’s Ryouichi senpai!
The story starts with Hyper Rescue (I kid you not) team member Akira deciding to venture bravely into the aforementioned jungle to find his beloved senpai, Ryouichi, who had gone missing while on a solo mission. Akira enters jungle, promptly loses his way, gets kidnapped by bad guys who want to have their way with him, and is rescued in the nick of time by Loincloth Jungle Man. Akira can't believe his eyes: It’s Ryouichi senpai!
[Notice strategic smex-a-licious rips in Jungle Man’s loincloth. If you can tear your eyes off that freaky animal head, that is. Oh Jungle Man. Weren’t you supposed to love animals?]
But alas, Ryouichi has lost his memory, and doesn’t remember Akira. So they have sex.
But they’re seen by the captain of the rescue team, who is mad, mad, mad, because his dastardly plans to kill Ryouichi and claim Akira for himself have failed! Turns out he was the one who engineered Ryouichi’s ‘disappearance’—by pushing him off a cliff. So he tries again: he ties up Jungle Man with a rope (and don’t ask pesky questions like “How did he do that, isn't Jungle Man strong enough to fight off a bear with his bare hands?”) and pushes him into the river full of crocodiles who attempt to bite off his head. This has the interesting side-effect of restoring Jungle Man Ryouichi’s memory. He flexes his muscles in superhuman rage, breaks the bonds, leaps out of the water...
But alas, Ryouichi has lost his memory, and doesn’t remember Akira. So they have sex.
But they’re seen by the captain of the rescue team, who is mad, mad, mad, because his dastardly plans to kill Ryouichi and claim Akira for himself have failed! Turns out he was the one who engineered Ryouichi’s ‘disappearance’—by pushing him off a cliff. So he tries again: he ties up Jungle Man with a rope (and don’t ask pesky questions like “How did he do that, isn't Jungle Man strong enough to fight off a bear with his bare hands?”) and pushes him into the river full of crocodiles who attempt to bite off his head. This has the interesting side-effect of restoring Jungle Man Ryouichi’s memory. He flexes his muscles in superhuman rage, breaks the bonds, leaps out of the water...
...and materializes by Akira’s side, just in time to rescue Akira from the lecherous captain, who was just about to have his way with him. Tears flow. They have sex.
Next chapter: Ryouichi accompanies Akira on his next rescue mission, on a snowcapped mountain. Akira is wearing weather-appropriate layers, but Ryouichi he only need his loincloth because he be Smexy Jungle Man In Touch With Mother Nature. There is an avalanche. Ryouichi and Akira are separated. Akira is rescued by:
Next chapter: Ryouichi accompanies Akira on his next rescue mission, on a snowcapped mountain. Akira is wearing weather-appropriate layers, but Ryouichi he only need his loincloth because he be Smexy Jungle Man In Touch With Mother Nature. There is an avalanche. Ryouichi and Akira are separated. Akira is rescued by:
Wild Bear Man, who tells him that the avalanche was caused by a Wicked Researcher to capture Ryouichi for his dastardly experiments. Together, they set out to rescue Ryouichi.
Ryouichi, meanwhile, has lost his memory again, thanks to the avalanche. Wicked Researcher decides that they need Akira to continue with the experiments (which involve Ryouichi wrestling with what appears to be a hormonal overgrown polar bear). Just as all the researchers have left to find Akira, Akira appears to rescue Ryouichi. But alas, Ryouichi has forgotten him… again!
Hoping to restore his senpai’s memory, Akira has sex with Ryouichi.
It does not work.
Enter Wicked Researcher with aforementioned polar bear, which attacks Akira and tries to have its way with him. At this sight, Ryouichi is filled with rage, which brings back his memory. The two escape. Akira wakes up in Ryouichi’s arms, in (the conveniently absent) Wild Bear Man’s cottage. They have sex.
Wild Bear Man appears, and the three of them escape to a cave. You knew there was a cave coming, didn’t you? I mean that’s all the story has been lacking so far, a cave. In the cave, Wild Bear Man tells them of his history with Wicked Researcher, who used to be his best friend. Aw. But then Wicked Researcher went over to the dark side… now all that Bear Man wants to do is see him, speak to him, ask him where things went wrong.
So Ryouichi and Akira go out, to look for a river, but the wicked rescue team captain from the previous chapter, the one who had the hots for Akira, shows up and shoots Ryouichi with an arrow with a King Cobra twined around it. (Don’t, just don’t ask.) Hahaha, he says to Akira, now I have ya, my pretty. Here’s the anti-dote in my hands… I’ll give it to you, if you’ll have sex with me. But just as the evil captain’s about to have his way with Akira, Ryouichi’s rage kicks in and cures him of snake poisoning.
Ryouichi, meanwhile, has lost his memory again, thanks to the avalanche. Wicked Researcher decides that they need Akira to continue with the experiments (which involve Ryouichi wrestling with what appears to be a hormonal overgrown polar bear). Just as all the researchers have left to find Akira, Akira appears to rescue Ryouichi. But alas, Ryouichi has forgotten him… again!
Hoping to restore his senpai’s memory, Akira has sex with Ryouichi.
It does not work.
Enter Wicked Researcher with aforementioned polar bear, which attacks Akira and tries to have its way with him. At this sight, Ryouichi is filled with rage, which brings back his memory. The two escape. Akira wakes up in Ryouichi’s arms, in (the conveniently absent) Wild Bear Man’s cottage. They have sex.
Wild Bear Man appears, and the three of them escape to a cave. You knew there was a cave coming, didn’t you? I mean that’s all the story has been lacking so far, a cave. In the cave, Wild Bear Man tells them of his history with Wicked Researcher, who used to be his best friend. Aw. But then Wicked Researcher went over to the dark side… now all that Bear Man wants to do is see him, speak to him, ask him where things went wrong.
So Ryouichi and Akira go out, to look for a river, but the wicked rescue team captain from the previous chapter, the one who had the hots for Akira, shows up and shoots Ryouichi with an arrow with a King Cobra twined around it. (Don’t, just don’t ask.) Hahaha, he says to Akira, now I have ya, my pretty. Here’s the anti-dote in my hands… I’ll give it to you, if you’ll have sex with me. But just as the evil captain’s about to have his way with Akira, Ryouichi’s rage kicks in and cures him of snake poisoning.
At this juncture, Wicked Researcher shows up, and two panels later, so does Wild Bear Man. Accusations fly, tears are shed, and we learn that Wicked Researcher went over to the dark side because he thought Wild Bear Man cared for animals more than he did for Wicked Researcher. Sadness.
Wild Bear Man tells Wicked Researcher that their home is always there for him (Researcher) to return to. He turns and walks away, slowly. “Wait!” says Wicked Researcher, running after Wild Bear Man. Bear Man turns, and they kiss. Aw.
Then, to wrap up the story nicely, Akira and Ryouichi (the original couple, in case you’ve forgotten) do the sex again. And then Ryouichi reaches into the mouth of his loincloth animal head, and pulls out a key. “Here,” he tells Akira, just to be absolutely random about things, “my apartment key. …Let’s live together.”
The End.
The End.
