Flat-chested Sourdough! a.k.a. Sticky Fingers.

I have discovered, by sheer accident (okeyeye, carelessness), how to make sourdough that doesn't rise! Gather around me, my friends, while I recount to you a tale as exciting as Ian Fleming's accidental discovery of radioactive X-rays while dreaming of benzene in his kitchen cupboard.

To make a sourdough that doesn't rise, do the following:

~ Misplace the recipe.

~ Why print another copy? Pour quoi look it up online? Just do it from memory (even though you've never done it before).

~ Take out the sourdough starter from the fridge. Pour it into the mixing bowl. Never mind letting it thaw... thawing is for sissies!

~ Toss in some flour. And a pinch of salt. And dried oregano. And chilli pepper flakes.

~ Knead it in. Ignore the fact that it sticks to you like a second-grader's snot! No need for oil: who needs oil when you have willpower?

~ Set it aside to rise.

~ Check on it four hours later, and wonder why it is so pasty, and is sitting there in a lump like Jaba the Hutt.

~ Throw it out. Look for the recipe. Find it in the sock drawer. Kick yourself. Mission complete.

You will, someday, make your own palatable sourdough. Maybe by November. Of 2034.