Excuse me while I scrub my brain clean
Spiderman 3 sucked tamarind balls, man.
It wasn't even spectacularly bad, it was just inane. I understand having one supervillain, maybe two, but this movie had enough supervillains to tip an election in a swing state.
There was the Sandman, faintly reminiscent of The Mummy. Then there was Venom (Topher Grace, who I had imagined would destroy his enemies by the power of his biting wit, but no). There was of course James Franco (who is MILES cooler than Tubby Double-Chin Maguire) as the NEW Green Goblin. There's the symbiote (some icky black muck) from out of space, which can be defeated by the ritualistic beating of gongs and nothing else.
Then there's Spiderman himself, who allows his dark side out (thanks to aforementioned alien muck), a street-dancing, cookie-demanding, mascara-wearing persona that is supposed to somehow lend depth to his vanilla-coated goody-two-shoes image.
It was a tough call, deciding which one - 'Good' Spidey or 'Bad' Spidey - I'd rather kick in the nuts. Bad Spidey had marginally better lines, and despite his cringe-inducing dance moves, on the whole I think the most retch-worthy moments still came from Good Spidey, who will therefore have to be prevented from procreating, ever.
And why, oh why, do they insist on casting the most insipid, drained, paper-cutout women as the love interest in these movies? Of course, next to Kate Bosworth and Katie Holmes, even Kirsten Dunst comes off looking like Meryl Streep. Let's hope all that will change if Maggie Gyllenhaal joins the Batman franchise.
Stumbled upon this web site that collects some really funny comic book covers, and laughed out loud when I saw these (before you check it out, be warned, there is spanking, bondage, and plenty of double entendre. These are the comics after all): http://www.superdickery.com/seduction/88.html and the follow-up panel, http://www.superdickery.com/seduction/89.html.
It wasn't even spectacularly bad, it was just inane. I understand having one supervillain, maybe two, but this movie had enough supervillains to tip an election in a swing state.
There was the Sandman, faintly reminiscent of The Mummy. Then there was Venom (Topher Grace, who I had imagined would destroy his enemies by the power of his biting wit, but no). There was of course James Franco (who is MILES cooler than Tubby Double-Chin Maguire) as the NEW Green Goblin. There's the symbiote (some icky black muck) from out of space, which can be defeated by the ritualistic beating of gongs and nothing else.
Then there's Spiderman himself, who allows his dark side out (thanks to aforementioned alien muck), a street-dancing, cookie-demanding, mascara-wearing persona that is supposed to somehow lend depth to his vanilla-coated goody-two-shoes image.
It was a tough call, deciding which one - 'Good' Spidey or 'Bad' Spidey - I'd rather kick in the nuts. Bad Spidey had marginally better lines, and despite his cringe-inducing dance moves, on the whole I think the most retch-worthy moments still came from Good Spidey, who will therefore have to be prevented from procreating, ever.
And why, oh why, do they insist on casting the most insipid, drained, paper-cutout women as the love interest in these movies? Of course, next to Kate Bosworth and Katie Holmes, even Kirsten Dunst comes off looking like Meryl Streep. Let's hope all that will change if Maggie Gyllenhaal joins the Batman franchise.
Stumbled upon this web site that collects some really funny comic book covers, and laughed out loud when I saw these (before you check it out, be warned, there is spanking, bondage, and plenty of double entendre. These are the comics after all): http://www.superdickery.com/seduction/88.html and the follow-up panel, http://www.superdickery.com/seduction/89.html.
